


The Words I Could Never Say

by loveunwritten



Category: Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-28
Updated: 2017-07-28
Packaged: 2018-12-08 05:29:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,732
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11639880
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/loveunwritten/pseuds/loveunwritten
Summary: Sansa says goodbye to Jon. A missing scene from 7x02.She might be broken-hearted but they have to laugh at their pain.Sibling relationship although with strong hints of Sansa feeling more towards Jon than she should.





	The Words I Could Never Say

Sansa quickly fled from the great hall after Jon had said his last words to the lords. Anger, shock and a feeling she could not quite place swirled inside of her, too powerful for her to handle all at once. Jon had sprung this on her, he had made the decision with Davos behind her back, that angered her and she wanted nothing more than to scream at him, claiming he did not trust her - but then he had been an idiot and ruined her argument by given her the North to rule in his stead. She wanted to call him a traitor, she wanted to shout at him never to return to the North. Despite feeling all of this, she also wanted to Jon to swear to her that he will return as soon as a deal has been made with the Targaryen woman.

She hastily walked to the godswood, passing servants and lords alike without saying a single word. The only place where some kind of peace could be found these days. No one bothered her anymore, well no one except for Littlefinger, but the thoughts warring with each other inside her mind would never leave her be, but at least when she was sitting in front of the heart tree, she felt as if she could win over them and the darkness they tried poisoning her with. As she stared up at the red leaves, her gaze slowly slipping down to look at the face carved into the white bark, she recalled the words she had said in anger, and in hurt, in the hall.

_You’re abandoning your people. You’re abandoning your home._

She had been so close to adding one more betrayal, only faltering when she knew what those words might bring, the vulnerable confession woven into them.

_You're abandoning me._

That was truly what she wanted to say, what she wanted Jon to hear. Sansa knew he bore the duties of a king now, but he had made a promise, and she had just started to believe that maybe he could uphold it, but her own words turned out to be true. _No one can protect me._ It was a hard truth to swallow once more, it was even more bitter than the first time she had to face that lonely fact. She had built her walls so high, it was supposed to protect her from hurt and yet Jon had managed to get under her skin all the same. She cursed him for it, she loved him for it.

"Sansa."

She almost wanted to laugh at her own stupidity, she had tried running from a Stark by going to the place where they all sought to when they longed for peace and comfort. Sansa did not believe in the gods, not anymore, she doubted Jon did too from what she had heard but that fact did not steal away from the pace of the godswood. She closed her eyes, tried to soothe the storm of emotions raging within. Jon had trusted her with the North, their home, their very heart and soul. She felt the anger leave her, evaporating like the morning frost in Spring, it left nothing but the hurt underneath. Anger was much easier to deal with than hurt, and she wished it would return to her as she turned around to face her half-brother.

His dark eyes widened slightly, the look of weariness gave way to discomfort and regret. "Sansa, please do not cry, I didn't mean-" He quickly walked towards her, obviously unsure what to do but still determined to do something to comfort her.

She wanted to protest that she would spill no tears, but she suddenly felt the warmth of the tears already streaming down her cheeks. She had not even realised she had been crying, too wrapped up in her mind to put a stop to them before Jon saw it. Sansa wanted to curse herself, what a queen she would be if she so freely wept in front of others. 'Tears show you're weak', sneered her mind. 'Tears prove you're still human', said her heart. She wiped them away with the sleeve of her dress as Jon put a hand on her shoulder, the touch full of warmth and comfort.

She could not help the weak chuckle that escaped her lips as his expression still seemed pained and indecisive. "Gods, wars could be won if soldiers used women's tears for weapons instead of swords. It would leave a whole army of battle-hardened men shaking in their boots."

Jon looked taken aback for a long moment but then he smiled, obviously relieved she was still able to joke despite the state she was in. Maybe he was simply relieved she still wished to speak with him. "Aye, there might be some truth to that."

Silence filled with godswood as they simply stood and came to terms with the goodbyes that needed to be said, this was their last moment together, none of them truly knowing if they would ever see each other again. They both vividly remembered their father's tale of how their grandfather died, burned to death by a mad Targaryen, now Jon was heading South to try and ally himself with his daughter who had three dragons at her disposal. A bleak prospect, if someone were to ask Sansa, a necessary risk to take if someone were to ask Jon.

"I don't want to go."

Sansa's eyes snapped up to look at Jon, she had expected to be the one who had to break the silence, she was always the one who broke it. His confession made her want to scream at him to not go then, if he wanted to stay then he could, he was the King after all. They could try and send Davos first and if Daenerys got offended then he could go. Maybe the woman wouldn't care one bit, and they could stay in Winterfell together.

"I don't want you to go," she confessed as well, only to hold up a hand to silence him as he opened his mouth to probably argue once more: "But we both know you have to. We have to protect the North." The words burned her throat as she spoke them, they made her feel sick because she so desperately wanted to say something else, but the truth could not be denied forever, only a fool would do that - and Sansa was not a foolish girl anymore.

Jon observed her silently, his face was that of a Stark, it was unreadable and sullen, it reminded her of their father for a moment and that reminder made her feel queasy for an odd reason. She lowered her gaze to the snow-covered ground, not out of fear, simply because the sight of the white snow helped her to gather her thoughts.

"You will be a good ruler too, you know," Jon said with a low voice so filled with kindness and love that she almost wept once more.

It felt so odd, so wonderful, to be trusted with something so important. Jon had finally seen past the shell that remained of his little sister, he finally saw what she had become, what her scars had shaped her to be. Sansa looked up again, her heart full yet breaking at the same time.

_Please don't go._

Those words rested on her tongue, simply waiting to be said, to be begged, but they were too dangerous as the words she had almost said in the hall had been. Sansa could lower the walls she had built up around her heart for him, enough to peep out and meet his eyes, but she could not break them down completely. It was too great of a risk.

"Safe journey, Jon." Goodbyes were too hard, too painful for her now. The only Starks left in Winterfell and now they were separating. Father would have killed them for splitting up their broken, small pack. _When the snows fall and the white winds blow, the lone wolf dies but the pack survives._ Did Jon condemn them both to death by leaving? Without him, she would have no pack, she would be a lone wolf once more as she had been all these years.

Before she knew it, he stepped closer and pressed his lips to her forehead like he did after the battle had been won and Ramsay was gone for good. She had to trust him, she reminded herself, she could trust him. He smiled one of his rare smiles before turning around to leave. She reached out to grab his arm, pulling him into an embrace just one last time. The warmth radiating from him as he engulfed her banished the coldness of her frozen heart, it chased away the darkness of what the Lannisters had done to her, what the Boltons had done, what Baelish was attempting to do to her.

"If you die then I'll come and bring you back myself just to kill you again," she mumbled into his hair and was rewarded with a stunned silence before a booming laugh filled the air. She could feel how his chest shook from the power of it, and she felt proud of herself for bringing him joy even if it came from his darkest memory. If they could not laugh at their pain, they would both be doomed to never laugh again.

All too soon Jon's arms started to loosen their grip and she reluctantly let go of him. He was still wearing a big grin, the look in his eyes obviously proud of his broken little sister's ability to crack jokes when she really just wanted to weep. "I would expect nothing else from the regent Queen in the North," he said with his northern gruff that had become a part of what she considered home.

Sansa watched as he walked away, not once looking like the heavy furs weighed him down in any way. She would walk like that too, she decided, she would walk like she bore no scars and no burdens, she would make it look easy too despite how hard the distance between them would be, but Sansa would do it for Jon, for their home - and for her heart, which she felt leave as it was safely carried away in the hands of Jon Snow.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading my first fic! I had this idea in mind and it just would not leave me, so I decided to write it out and share it. 
> 
> I hope you enjoyed it! :)


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